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“…use the negative episodes (you encounter) to figure out what common denominator they all carry, namely you!”
Learning From Their Mistakes Excerpt from "The Ten Commandments of Divorce"
On my life journey, I realized I was attracting the same hurt and pain from every man I was in a relationship with. And that notion was confirmed some years ago after spending time researching American Indian Medicine. In the book, “Medicine Cards” by Jamie Sams and David Carson, the authors describe how Native Americans use animals to recognize their strengths and frailties, and they turn to “animal medicine” to heal. There is an amusing story about a rabbit that brought so much clarity to me, I have to share it.
At one time, the rabbit was considered courageous and bold, but after encountering a witch, he was cursed with attracting fear into his realm. Since then, the rabbit has been referred to as the “Fear Caller.” While peacefully grazing in a field, the rabbit will look up and see an eagle. Sams and Carson write, “He goes out and shouts, ‘Eagle, I am afraid of you!’ If Eagle does not hear him, Rabbit calls louder, ‘Eagle, stay away from me!’ Eagle, now hearing Rabbit, comes and eats him.” This story sounded crazy to me until the authors revealed the ancient wisdom behind the tale. “As the story shows, Rabbit medicine people are so afraid of tragedy, illness, disaster and of ‘being taken,’ that they call those very fears to them to teach them lessons. The key note here is: what you resist will persist! What you fear most is what you will become.”
Being a student of energy, I recognized the law of attraction right away, and then it was seconds later when I realized my long-time fear of emotional abandonment was almost luring in, energetically and unwittingly, men who were masters at emotional escape.
The picture was becoming crystal clear: Since every fight I had was over the same issues with each man, it would trigger the pain from all past issues that were never resolved. When I found my own weakness and realized I was the common denominator in each of these relationships, I decided I needed to change myself and work on those very issues that were keeping me from staying in the present. My thought was, “If I want a great guy, I have to be a great woman!” I understand now that if I didn’t take responsibility for the annoying habit of rehashing, it would have never changed no matter what man I was with. It became obvious that the mistakes they made with me became my lessons to learn from.
Next, look for Part III, Confessions of a Recall-aholic, How to Rewrite the Past
2 comments:
Ok, so I get from this blog that you realized your short comings but after so many years of being single why never married if you indeed learned many lessons from your men? You claim you divorced in your 30's and now you're in your 50's without any permanent relationship, so my question is, if you have learned anything in all those years why didn't you implement some of those ideas with your men? Is there a deeper issue that you are not dealing with or not willing to admit?
You speak of physical/sexual abuse in your life, is that the elephant in the room? If so, maybe a therapist could be of great help to you. I know you enjoy sharing wellness advice but maybe it is time to get some help with your emotional issues.
Sara
Well, let’s see “Sara,” (since you came on this blog as anonymous I will assume you are not using your real name) you wrote much, but said very little. What is it that you really want to know? Are you questioning my wellness advice? What I write about is based on what I know from my past and what has worked to give me closure and peace about things I have been through. It is also a collection of what I have gleaned from research, reading and working with my clients. If anyone claims to know it all, well then they don’t know much. I am learning every day about how to be the best person I can be. How about you?
As far as an elephant, I kind of like them. Sitting on one would help you rise above. They’re big and strong and, I would think, a great protection against negativity coming from people who think they know me, but most likely, don’t know much about my journey. After all, if you don’t know where I have been, then how can you judge how far I have already come?
As far as a man in my life, I have many! There is only one man destined to be mine however, and I am willing to allow that to happen organically when we are ready. I have always said, “If you want a great guy, you have to be a great girl!” I am just making sure I give him the incredible woman he deserves.
Therapy? I get that from every person I coach, every person I encounter, my inner circle and all the practitioners I meet. As a matter of fact, this response is very therapeutic for me. I assume you needed to get this off your chest. How has it been for you?
All in all, I write about wellness and what precludes us from getting where we want to go. My advice to you would be to not worry about me and start looking at yourself, where you want to be now and in the future. It is a long road to greatness, but you can achieve it faster if you unload all that you are holding onto like resentment, judgment, hate and anger. God bless, and please…let’s keep spreading the goodness okay? D.
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