This weekend I have heard of three instances of atonement, whereby a person who has done someone wrong came forward to apologize and try to make amends for their egregious act. I happen to be the recipient of two of those apologizes, one directly and one indirectly. It made me think it was too coincidental. There must be a lesson coming.
So I started thinking about what the lesson could be and of how the apologies made me feel. Truthfully, there was no impact. I think my first thought was, "Oh, how nice. They finally realized they could come to me and forgive themselves." Truth is, I had forgiven both parties long ago so there was no ease of my pain or significant change in my life. I was happy, however, that they could finally find some peace for themselves.
When we forgive someone of any act, we don't impact them as much as we help ourselves. It is really like saying, "I am okay with what that person has done to me. I am able to see their possible reasons for doing/saying what they did and I don't want to feel any more negativity on this issue or from this person. I forgive them. I can move on."
If you think about it, you completely sever the energy between yourself and the other person when you do that. It makes you wonder, does that break in energy cause the other person discomfort? I believe the answer is a profound, YES! And when you break that energy between yourself and another person, they have nothing to grab onto. There is no potential to hurt you again. So forgiving them is not a completely selfless act. Instead, it is a symbiotic gesture, meaning, mutually satisfying. And guess what...that is what is expected of us from a Universal standpoint.
You may not believe it, but forgiveness is the best thing you can do for yourself, and if you want retribution, it may be the only way it can come without ricocheting harm back to you in the future. By that I mean, if you retaliate in any way other than forgiveness, you are just generating more negative energy for yourself, not necessarily the other person. Forgiveness is the ultimate healer and if your motive is to teach the person a lesson, than it is the best teacher as well.
I am happy that I forgave the people in my life who have tried to cause me harm. I say try because in every instance, I learned valuable lessons that have helped me grow and learn. Every time I look back, I change the past. I never see what negative was done, only what positive came from it. If you don't believe we have the power to change the past, then think again. It is one of our most powerful assets as humans. Consider your past hurts and if you haven't already, forgive and don't forget......to look for all the good that can come out of it. D.
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5 comments:
i think i know exactly what you mean. I know that my past behaviors have caused hurt and pain to people that I cared for deeply. It is like self destructive because looking back I dont know whay i chose to do what i did, with regret. I have had the oppportunity to apologize to a few of those people but not all, one in particular that I hope to one day. It is a release and it does feel good when you are forgiven, those are some of the blessings in life.
i am noticing that no one is posting or responding to the postings and that is a shame. there is some very useful heartfelt information here. how do we get the word out?
Dear Annonymous, in due time the word will be out in a more profound way, but for now, enough people visit the site, they are just afraid to comment. I also get private messages so it is all good. Word of mouth is usually the best way! D.
Last week I ran into someone that I had wished I would never meet face to face. It was the wife of a man that I had dated while they were still married. I know, that is the number one rule, never go after someone else's husband and believe me, at first it was innocent. This man seemed all so wonderful and I took his kindness as flirting which it finally did become. As the story goes, one thing led to another and I found myself in a relationship with him. After some time he proposed his love for me and I thought this is it but unfortuneately for me, I was wrong. We were together as much as possible and I was always thinking of our future together. He had a child and was a great father and spent a lot of time with his son. Making a long story short, for several reasons the relationship did not last and I had heard that he and his wife were working things out and he is back home with his family. Unfortunately for me, I had an occasion to speak with her on the phone in the past and hateful things were said by both of us.
Last week I was shopping and ran into her at our local mall. Yes, we live in the same area and had avoided meeting before then. I had seen her picture some time ago so I knew what she looked like so I never was threatened because she never saw me. I was compelled to talk with her. Some may say it took a lot of nerve but I say I just couldn't help myself because of all the shame I carried around after the relationship ended. My family lectured me while I was with him but I was "in love" and didn't care about anyone else. We talked for a while and probably mostly me apologizing for the mess that was created. I really believe she accepted my apology and for me, I was able to feel better about myself and my actions. I hope I conveyed the proper message genuinely and that she received it, as it was my intention to make a wrong right. I feel better about myself now, guess I had to do the "right" thing no matter the outcome. Don't get me wrong, I was angry, really angry but never thought about her. Which brings me to this article. Releasing the anger made me a better person, the apology too but you really do get nothing from hate but hurt. Saying you are truly sorry does make you feel so much better about yourself no matter how other person feels about you. Does she really forgive me? Maybe not. Did she ever want to meet me? I'm sure she didn't. Now the negativity hopefully will be gone for both of us and we can lead a better life because of it.
Dear Anonymous, Let me applaud you for your courage and acknowledge that your conversation with this woman could have gone either way. You must have handled your energy well and displayed an incredibly honest and sincere desire to make things right.
I am happy for your release and hope that you continue on the journey to heal from all of the different aspects of being in that relationship. Everyone who has ever broken up knows how incredibly painful it is.
It has to be said too, that man you were both involved with was incredibly lucky to have such great women in his life. I wonder if he appreciates it and has committed himself to becoming a better husband. That would make this even more perfect.
As for your anger, it would seem you are choosing to feel it and step outside the discomfort when it arises, looking towards yourself and your own participation instead of blaming others. You really took responsibility for your actions. When we do that, the healing comes fast, doesn't it?
Have gratitude for that relationship. It was such a gift to be able to heal on this level Love and goodness to you for being human and for deciding to grow to the next level! D.
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