Yesterday, a friend hurt me very much. My heart ached all day at the thought of his actions. Deep down, I don't believe he set out to hurt me. He was looking out for his own happiness and in the process, my feelings were tossed aside. I started asking myself, "Do I have the right to ask a friend to protect my feelings? Should I always consider that people are "human" and expect that they will fail me at some point, making it necessary to always protect myself?" Maybe hurting me was not his failure. Instead, could it be mine?
At my age, I should have been through this enough to understand the process, but it still hurts to lose someone you love and care for. Do we shut ourselves off, meaning; We keep our love and energy close to our hearts and not given so freely? Can we shut ourselves off and still have intimate relationships? How many times did I hurt a close friend and not even know it? In the game of life, who wins? The person with the most friends on facebook, or the person who maintains a single friendship the longest?
Since we are all human and will continue to be so, we can expect to move along in life and affect others, sometimes in a detrimental way. Almost every day, I ask myself to "do no harm" which is, essentially, the Hippocratic oath. Of course I am not a doctor, but since I coach, I am always afraid of the position I maintain in my clients' lives. I think it may be a great motto though for everyone, most especially for friends and family. If we think this way, how can we hurt anyone?
With the holiday season approaching, I would love to reach out to everyone I know and ask for forgiveness for anything I might have said or done to inflict even the smallest amount of discomfort. I have dedicated my life to helping others, but sometimes I am so focused on the goal, I may not see everything in between. Since this is the perfect time to remember Jesus' life and what he represented, (even if you don't believe he was the Son of God) I want to make a resolution to make every day I live and interact with people to count as a positive and for my energy to instigate goodness. More so, I want to forgive anyone else who knowingly, or unknowingly, hurt me.
We are all in this together, and no matter what, this year is going to be grueling if we don't come together for a common goal. Let's make it the year of friendship and help each other get through these tough times. After all, we don't have much else to rely on except love and friendship. The World is going to keep turning. It is up to us what energy we fill it up with. D.
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Hi, It's Morgan,
Just going through a few emails and wrapping up the end of the year business projects before leaving the country.
My husband and I decided to go to Spain and a few other locations over the holidays this year. We have had our family visits to celebrate this holiday season with all but decided we wanted our "alone" time this year.
I've just read your most recent blog. Was it a friend or boyfriend you have lost? We all agree that we are all human but have to decide how to give our love. I always gave mine openly and without regret and for me it worked. Maybe, because you seem like a strong woman, the loves that you have lost were lost because you show much strength. I consider myself strong too but I truly suffered when I thought I lost my sole mate. I think everyone has to be "real" when showing their love and caution is usually not considered when giving of yourself.
I don't think anyone means to cause pain and hurt when leaving a relationship but not leaving a relationship when unhappy doesn't serve any purpose. I don't think you can ask or expect anyone to protect your feelings and to believe or wait for the other shoe to drop is just not living your life to the fullest. I too wish forgiveness from anyone that I may have hurt by my actions but better than forgiveness, I wish to become that better person so I will not have to ask for forgiveness.
I hope that the love of God will see you through this season and the love of family and friends will let you enjoy this joyous holiday.
Hi Morgan, I am not sure I understand some of your comment, but in answer to your question, he was not a boyfriend.
After reading your passge twice, I think you are trying to say that because I am strong, I lose people. Also you assumed he was unhappy with the relationship. Sometimes people leave for reasons that are never revealed or because they can't face certain realities.
The pain I encountered in losing this relationship was because I gave freely, but he was not real with me and what he really wanted from me. Rather than go into the details, suffice it to say, he wanted more than I could give, and more importantly, what he desired based on his own life circumstances was not legitimate.
People leave relationships because they need to pursue their own needs. The question I posed came from a place in me that wants to attract people who are capable of being real. Since writing the blog, I have come to acknowledged that I needed to lose this relationship on the level that it was in order to have my own self worth realized. It was a good thing in the end, but none the less, when we lose someone in our lives we really care about, albeit a love relationship or freindship, it hurts!
Turning it around and acknowledging the lesson is the best "cure" for that ailment however. Still in all, we should protect ourselves from other people's "human-ness". Other wise, we are always vulnerable to the negativity they can generate in their own pursuit of happiness.
Marriage is so different and my opinion on that is on my site www.positivemanipulation.com . My latest book is about love (and divorce) as well and continuing a love relationship with your former spouse for the sake of the children. Friendships however have no "contracts" or vows. I guess that is why I posed the question to everyone. I vow never to hurt people (although I am sure I sometimes fail!). I wonder though how many people do the same? D.
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